Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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