quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
