erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your cock deserves a montage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
