so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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