Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
