I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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