Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
