I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
