...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
