How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
