Dual....:-)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
