Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
