my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
