remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
