the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
