Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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