nut hugger
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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