My room smells like vodka and shame
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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