As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
