LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
