Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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