TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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