bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just blew my weed a kiss
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
