i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
