someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
