At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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