HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
