IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
