There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
