That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
