I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
