I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize