it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
