I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
