Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize