I accidentally had phone sex last night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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