btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
