My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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