Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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