Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize