thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
