There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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