so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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