Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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