Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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