I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
