Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
