So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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