I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
