I love black thongs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
