You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
pop tarts are not kleenex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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