just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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