Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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