i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
