Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
