it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
