Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
