she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
