Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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