you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
