did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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