Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
