I want to walk on stilts...naked
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
