She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
