what day is it and did you see me today?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
