Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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