I just found puke in my bra..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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