I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
