it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
