Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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