i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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