So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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