I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize