I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
