Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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