I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
