I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Success! We fucked roommates!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize