So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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