If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
