he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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