Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
