Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
