I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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