do herpes really smell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
