I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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