who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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