he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
