Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
