I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize