you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
