I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
