You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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