I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
