nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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