I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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