my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
