she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
