Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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