I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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