This is not my ceiling
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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