just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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