If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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