My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
