I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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