I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
