I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
