he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize