Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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