so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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