I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
