I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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