She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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