Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
