i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
