well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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