That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
