On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
